The Friendzone

Today I want to talk about the dreaded "friendzone" guys, listen up. This is specifically a male friendzone advice, from a woman who wants to see the good guys finnish first.



I have had friends over the years complaining of this problem, recent furstrations of seeing good guys suffer through this has inspired me to do a little coaching on the topic. Now we always hear that girls love jerks, and nice guys always finish last.

Why? Why do girls love the jerks.

Now I am no expert, but I am a female who talks to lots of her girlfriends on the topic. The biggest feedback I am hearing on why we keep going back to the bad boys, when Mr. Right is patiently waiting for us so sweet on the side. Is the fact that we want a man who is more of a man than we are. Expecially if you lads are lucky enough to find a strong independent woman.

This independent woman won't need you, you should be an enhancement to her life. If you find yourself being the "yes man" then you will also soon find yourself in the friendzone.

So more on this whole a man who is more of a man than me. This basically means that I, the woman, can take care of myself. If she is taking care of herself just fine, then why would she want to take care of you too?

Wait what? She isn't taking care of me!

Oh yes she is. Women are very nurturing creatures. We might find a guy with great qualities and decide to keep him in our lives for one reason or another. He is attractive and fun, but we still don't click.

Because the woman will feel responsible for every insecurity, every emotional problem, and every weakness. Long term this is a great quality, because she will discover you achilis heel sooner or later. If she has fallen for you then these weaknesses will make you apper more human to her. It gives her that feeling of trust, that you trust her enough to not shoot the arrow into your heal.

But in the beginning it is all about her! Maybe I am old fashioned, but courtship should be a mans choice to pursue, and the womans choice to accept pursuit. If she is being courted by several men, she will gravitate towards the one with confidence and strength. Both physical and mental.

The man with too much weakness will be written off as uncapable of enhancing her life and uncapbable of the protection that she cannot provide herself.

So be confident, and don't be afraid to flaunt your tallents a bit. Impress her with your passion, your wit, your grounding presance. Whatever skills and talents you know you posess you must display in one form or another to avoid being seen as weaker to the competition.

Take some time to journal your strength, go read some books and start yourself on the path of self improvement before pursuing your next fling.

In the meantime, one of my favorite speakers Elliott Hulse hits the nail on the head. And talks about how to get yourself OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE if you are already stuck.

Keys to a successful relationship

We all have some basic needs that must be filled in a relationship. These needs are, emotional, physical, spiritual, social, and security.




If you are unable to identify your needs and how they can be filled. Then you have no business being in a relationship. It is not your partners job to discover your needs and fill them. You must be able to undersand yourself, clearly communicate your needs, and be honest with your partner.




Emotional needs are things like being complimented, feeling needed, feeling a mutual passion, and dependability, among other parts. If you cannot connect with your partner emotionally, then you feel like you don't know them. Its that feeling of having a stranger in the room. One feeling you might get is not feeling like your partner needs you. They like you but they don't need you. Then tell them, be open and  honest, and come up with things you can do to become more of an asset to the relationship.

Physical needs, for some this is a bigger need than others. I higly recomend "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

These are the needs like hugs, kissing, tenderness, and other nonverbal communication. Chapman explains  how each  person has a stronger way of expressing and recieving love than others. From my personal testimony being a person who recives love through touch. Showing your partner you love them even while having tough discussions or even arguments can be made easier if you reach out and hold their hand. Expecially if you partner is feeling attacked, or scared. Touch can cool anxiety and temper very quickly when done properly.

Spiritual needs, perhaps one of the deepest needs, as well as the most ignored. It's just fine to fall in love with someone. But when it comes down to forever, it just makes your relationship so much easier if you believe the same things and you know you are going to the same place. When dating be cautious, it is much easier to recognize incompatability early on and break it off before becoming attached.

Social needs in life can be filled with friends early on in college. But the more exclusive we become with someone then we tend to shut others out. Its important for couples to keep going out with friends, both individual and together. Being able to support and understand your partners behaviors in social settings. For example, if your partner has a certain social fear or has had certian trauma in their life. Making sure you stay close by them or sending strong signals of support. We are social creatures, we have a need to interact. So don't be that couple who stays home all the time. Get some friends and create relationships as a couple with others.

Finally security. This one is extremly deep and important. Fights about money, childerens education, work, home, commute, time spent apart, and so many more can all boil down to this. You and your partner want to feel loved and supported. Any time  you do something to make your partner feel insecure in any way then you are damaging your relationship as a whole.

If you can follow these five simple principals and show some HONESTY, RESPECT, and expecially VOUNERABILITY in your relationship. It will flourish.

Family and Love

A huge part of health is our family unit. While out hiking with one on my clients, Teresa, we noticed a unique formation in the earth. As we were admiring it she made the comment "It's so beautiful, it's like a family."

I had to agree with her. Family is such a sweet thing, each person playing a unique part to make the whole unit work. I thought to myself if this was my family what would each piece represent? We had moss, rocks, roots, trees, and dirt. Honoring anonymity I will just give a short representation of my family. 

The rocks are what the family is built on, the person who we all need for stability and order in our lives.

The roots represent what holds us together, this member of the family is the glue. Probably the one with the best hugs!

The dirt would be the person who fills in the dull spots. The adventurer, the social one, the person who keeps things interesting.

The moss growing all around is the gentle one. The loving person who may be more silent but their presence is steady and calming. This person knows who they are, is confident, and can grow in any situation. 

Finally we have the tree. This is the person who shines and reaches new levels. The family superstar whom we are all so proud of. Their joy is ours, and we cherish their success. 

Take a moment to look at your family unit. However strong or broken it is. Look at each individual and honor that each one has a different role in the unit. Perhaps you are a teaching personality and feel burdened by a younger sibling who constantly seems to mess things up. You could be the A type parent who takes it as a personal flaw that your children are tiny circus act every day.

Being able to notice these flaws and accept them is something we need to learn and nurture as human beings. I say nurture because once we notice these characteristics and differences in others. We need to work on ourselves to find the good in them. Now there is a limit, if your mother is a Meth addict, don't just say "Well she keeps things interesting" help her. If your mother is then a little funny about wanting to get a phone call every night, this is something you can learn to love and accept that your mother is a root who loves you and wants to keep you close. 

Take time today to honor pieces of your family that bug you. The things you might see as flaws on a normal day. Take a moment and see what role this person plays in your family. Love it, and love them!

The Lonely Heartbreak of Loving a Narcissist

“If I’m going to be alone, I’d rather be by myself.”
Marilyn Monroe

I did not write this article, this was given to me VIA e mail from a friend. No plagiarism intended. If you are the author please leave a message or comment and I will site you and link your website.  

In all healthy relationships there comes a time when the honeymoon ends . This means it is time for real communication, dealing with issues, concerns and commitments. It means having the ability to work with a partner, to consider the needs of that partner, to let go of the need to be right in favor of having true communication, accountability and responsibility. If you have a concern in your relationship you should be able to take your concern to your partner and be heard. You should also be able to listen, really listen to the concerns of your partner. In a narcissistic relationship this does not happen.

The reason the narcissist loves the honeymoon is because he can be stuck in the Peter Pan, terminal boyhood stage where he does not have to be responsible or accountable. He does not want to deal with issues in the relationship. If any issues are brought up he will be quick to dump them back on you and walk away. He loves the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that he has found the one who will tolerate all his weirdness without question. When his beloved begins to question him, differ with him or make demands, his weirdness escalates. He resorts to his manipulation techniques to get you to stop bringing his issues to the forefront. And his greatest manipulation technique is to dump it all on you. It is your fault. You are too demanding! You don’t accept him as he is!

The narcissist does not want to grow up and be accountable. He is entitled to constant attention and admiration without having to invest anything more than the initial time it took to woo you. Once you have been wooed you should be hooked in and he should not have to invest so much anymore. He has groomed you to be a constant source of admiration, attention, sex, affection, and nurturing. The piece that is missing is that the narcissist does not seem to believe that he should reciprocate.

With men there is an unlimited supply of selfless women out there who believe in taking care of their man and catering to his needs without concern for their own. And so it is pretty easy to groom a woman to play this role. With female narcissists they want to be the queen and look for men who will completely adore and admire them, once again without any concern for their own needs. Men who had demanding or narcissistic Mothers might easily align with a woman like this and cater to her every need in order to keep her around.
Underneath it all the narcissist can not enter into a place of mature love. Their love is immature, self centered and needy. They are looking for unconditional love but are unwilling to give it. And so the question did he ever really love me? can be answered simply by saying he loved you to the extent he was able. He never had the ability to move beyond the honeymoon and upgrade to mature love.

He is stuck in young love which is intense, passionate and romantic while it lasts. For a time, you might be the one for the narcissist. But when you begin to have needs or demands from the relationship, or you are disagreeable, it will change. When you begin to question his behavior whether it be viewing porn, staying out late or ignoring you, he will be angry at you because he wants you to completely affirm and validate him, no matter what he does. He expects for you to tolerate his affairs, his porn, his sex addiction, his avoidance issues, and anything else he does. This is narcissism! Narcissism is self centered and immature. It does not consider you or your needs.

Often when you are cut off, abandoned, devalued and discarded, it is a punishment for your refusal to comply. And as victims of narcissism we often believe it is somehow our fault that he or she treated us with such contempt. We wrack our brains wondering what we did to deserve such cruel treatment. But it is and never has been about you. What you did is refuse to cater to his needs and affirm him unconditionally. But unless you want to completely give up yourself and be absorbed by the narcissist, it is unrealistic to play this role with him. Often we do, for quite a long time. We are conditioned to turn a blind eye, to take him back after he had an affair and not ask questions, and suffer through the cold spells and silent treatments. But eventually one of two things happens. Either the narcissist gets bored with you because you no longer challenge him, or you get fed up with his behavior and start making demands for yourself which may eventually result in your leaving.

You can not always know what is going on inside the tortured mind of the narcissist. The one thing you can know is that he or she is unable to truly give you what you want, need and deserve; a whole, healthy relationship. So whether you leave or the narcissist leaves, you are better off.

It is perfectly O.K. to love the narcissist, even after it is over. If your love was real then honor that and embrace it. This means you are able to love in a deep and honest way. Sometimes the narcissistic relationship shows us how deeply we can and do love. Playing with Peter Pan can be a magical experience, one that you don’t forget. It can be intense, passionate, sexy, and romantic. But you are destined to live in never never land which means you will never have anything real or true. It is all only make believe.

I believe there is a part of the narcissist that does love those he gets involved with. At least some of them. He or she may also use relationships to get something he/she wants. The narcissist may marry for money, or prestige or power. A narcissist may get involved with you because you are eye candy and make him/her look good. But then, most people make choices based on whats in it for them. Most people are physically attracted to someone because they perceive that person as hot, or beautiful, or gorgeous. People with money, or power or prestige never have trouble finding a mate, because the mate is more attracted to the goodies, than the person. Many people are attracted to fixer uppers hoping they can rehabilitate them and make them the perfect mate.

Love only goes as deep as we do, and frankly if your mate does not run very deep than neither will the love. If your mate has not taken the time to develop himself or herself than its not likely going to change in the relationship. If you’ve spent your life embracing personal growth and your mate has never read a book on the topic, then you can bet that personal growth isn’t high on his list of priorities.

Did the narcissist ever really love you? Perhaps he loved the idea of you. Perhaps he loved how you made him feel. Perhaps he loved the fantasy of what life with you could bring him. Perhaps he loved the idea that he has finally found someone who will love him unconditionally and ignore his shortcomings (which are a lot.)

Perhaps he was taken by your beauty, or intelligence or wit. But he was never strong enough to go the next level. And ultimately that is what you wanted right? You wanted a real, mature, loving, caring, nurturing relationship that considered your needs. And you simply weren’t going to get it from someone so shallow.
If you tell yourself that you loved him and he loved you to the best of his ability given what he had to work with, you can finally make peace with it all and let him go to be who and what he is….a narcissist.

How soy affects your big strong muscle making! (men must read)

Short, sweet, and to the point. That's how I like to present information, because that's how I want to receive it. The following article was taken with permission from Jack Tyler- Fitness and Performance Coach who is based in England.

SOY ISN’T A HEALTH FOOD.

Men you will only need this one reason to stop eating soy – soy consumption decreases testosterone levels in men, Buddhist monks ate tofu to reduce their sex drive! Men, feel free to go throw out all the tofu now, finish reading this once you’re get rid of that sorry excuse for food. Women and men re-joining us feel free to stay and hear the long list of negative effects soy has on your health.

Contrary to what you may have been taught soy is one of the newest additions to the human diet. Soy was considered unfit for human consumption since the ancient times. Now it’s seen as a “health food”? I hate to go all paleo on you but here’s why our ancient ancestors where correct:

·         Trypsin inhibitors in soy interfere with protein digestion which can lead to pancreatic disorder, leading to stunted growth.

·         Soy phytoestrogens are basically plant-derived estrogen, the enemy of men, this is whysoy decreases testosterone - it is estrogenic.

·         Soy phytoestrogens disrupt endocrine function and have the potential to cause infertility and promote breast cancer in women.

·         Soy may cause thyroid cancer, soy phytoestrogens are potent antithyroid agents that cause hypothyroidism which may cause thyroid cancer.

·         Soy increases the body’s requirement for vitamin D (a very essential vitamin for health).

·         Soy has high levels of aluminium, which is toxic to the nervous system and kidneys.

·         Recent studies have found a link between soy consumption and kidney stones, which I believe is due to the toxins produced by the high levels of aluminium.

The take home message here is simple – don’t eat soy. Don’t even limit your consumption, remove it. Our ancestors are right – it isn’t fit for human consumption. It’s not like you enjoy consuming a big lump of tasteless mush anyway. You’re lying to yourself if you get cravings; we all know it tastes like crap.

Some of this information was taken from the book Primal Body, Primal Mind by Nora T.Gedgaudas. It is an awesome read for anyone serious about nutrition and performance. 

Are you ready to die?

What comes to your mind when I say the word sacrifice?



Stop. Think about it.

Now let me play inception and put some thoughs in your brain.

Warrior, mother, faith, work, suffer, hustle, marter, gift, love.

The reason for this exercise is that I want you to look deep into the meaning of this word.

DEFINE IT.

Now look at you. On your computer, either killing time, well earned relaxation, or bored and looking for something to awaken your dying soul.

Here it is. If you arn't prepared to die for something, then you arn't really living are you? This world needs more passion. Each individual is the source of that passion. Who or what do you love?

Are you prepared to die fighting for that which you love?